First Blog Post

Here goes nothing.

I've never written in this format, a virtual diary of some sort for whomever to read. I have gotten the chance for something—or really, the time for it. The time to invest back into my art, my words, my drawing, my filmmaking. A chance to build it again, and rebrand. So, this is the first sort of step into that. Figuring out what my art is; it's style, it's message, it's consumers, and what my blog wants to be.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to write, and I did. I wrote short stories, all horrible and dramatic as any young writer will find themselves doing. I wrote poems that will never see the light of day. I came up with plot lines and characters that never got stories or their worlds fleshed out so they sort of vanished into thin air, or perhaps they were absorbed into something created down the line. So, I always knew what I wanted to write, and I always wrote. I followed the idea of college and writing and thought an English major at the University of Oregon would be the path. Until, I saw what an out of state tuition would look like, and I squashed it. So, I like many Bay Area students and learners, pursued the best education out there. City College of San Francisco. There I loaded class upon class upon class of everything and anything. All forms of writing I could find in their catalog; English, creative writing, poetry, journalism, etc. It was lots of fun and lots of learning; journalism is still the hardest for me to wrap my head around, I tend to drag on. Then photography, which I adored. Thank you City College for introducing me to the world of 35 mm film—and for still having a Lightroom for students to use, you are an angel. And then eventually filmmaking, due in part to a close friend and her own curiosity. So, we fed our curiosity, and me? Well, I was hooked.

Filmmaking was not something I ever thought I would want to dive into, not something I thought was fit for my stories or characters. Despite the fact that my stories when I wrote played out like movies in my mind, I did not see the correlation. Until I did. Luckily, city college has one of the greatest film programs out there, and you don't have to to be a senior to rent out equipment. I was heavily invested. I loved every aspect of filmmaking, every role, every member, every part of it. It was something that just worked for me. I had found a niche, and a great group of people to work along side. I learned from incredible teachers, John Carlson thank you for everything—you were and will always be my mentor for filmmaking; for learning the rules of it and breaking them. It just so happened that I took his experimental filmmaking class a year too late to learn from him himself, but Anjali Sundaram was a great teacher and sub for him. Through that class, through happenstance and a busted roll of film as my final project; I came to find stop motion and animation. It really was a timing direct from the universe. I shot a whole film, using 16 mm film and a Bolex film camera rented out from the student equipment room. I went around the city for weeks collecting cigarette buts and then shot in back alleys and the park, making an entire film about some silly cigarette littering monster; it's a blur really. However, I got a call weeks later as it was developing, that it was not developing. A fellow patrons roll of experimental film, "I've never seen it before myself", busted in the tank and destroyed my entire roll, and my film was gone. I had a week left before the film was due. Talk about timing. I talked it over with my professor and could have taken the L, she still would have passed me. But, a random trip to the arts store, and two jars of orange and blue buttons changed everything. It lead me somewhere else. It changed my trajectory as an artist, storyteller, and filmmaker.

I had no idea what struck me, where the idea came from or why, but I'm grateful. That film, Buttons, is what lead me to the San Francisco State University Animation Department. It lead me to a whole new world of filmmaking, a different world that I also didn't realize I was allowed to join, but it was one I fell in love with. I met incredible peers, the best teacher I've ever had, Martha Gorzycki I love you; and made some of my best work to date. It was inspiring and exhausting and it all happened in 2020 so it was virtual to top it off. It was an experience I'll never forget.

Making art is a rush, it's debilitating, it can be humiliating, it's exhausting, it's beautiful, and it has always made me feel powerful. To create worlds and make decisions and build things with my own hands, well there's nothing like it.

So, why am I not working in art right now? Filmmaking in San Francisco usually equals commercial, or self-funded projects, at least that's what I've found in my mid to late twenties. It takes a pretty penny, and a great crew, and dedication outside of affording to live out here too. A lot of my film friends have found success in LA, but I have an attachment issue to this city, and the friends and family that live in it. I want it to work for me up here. Not to mention that I found a job up here that I just love. Running bars at concert venues; the craziest, always changing, most hectic job I ever had. 8 years of my life spent working with crazy characters, for crazy events, witnessing different artist and musicians and spectacles—you can't blame me for not wanting to leave it. Of course there is always something out there that will push us to face our dreams and pursue our sparks, and corporate America pushed me back into art.

It's a brief catch up, it's as to the point as I can get without getting into details. Which would take far too long and should be saved for a book, or fun stories with friends at a bar. That's why I'm blogging like a soccer mom, that's why my art page is updated and will continue to—fingers crossed. I want to do something with this gift of time that I've been given. I want to at least have something to put on resumes sending out to job ads that never respond. Something to show friends and family, "yes of course I do art, here's my site," something to look back on in a couple of years that captures my growth in creating.

Because I will be growing. It's only ever up.